Game of Scarves: Bachelorette Recap

Sorry to miss you with last week's recap! You can't win 'em all. I'm excited for this week in Belgium, because I love Belgium. If they were smart, they'd head to my favorite place in Bruges. But they aren't, so they won't.

How are we already at the week before hometowns? Just like that, there are only 6 yahoos left competing for Andi's heart. Before we even start this episode, let it be known: I stick by my original prediction for the final four, which means Brian and guy with the long hair (obviously he made an impression) are going home this week.

Another observation that I think supports my theory that Josh wins: ABC thinks they are super smart with editing. How many times have we seen them give the winner a "bad" edit, where every week there is controversy with he/she, making the viewers think there is no way they win? It happened with Jake & Vienna, Courtney & Ben, even Nikki & Juan Pablo. I think that's what's happening with Josh regarding his "lack" of feelings for Andi.

So many scarves. 

Marcus gets the first one-on-one this week, much to everyone else's dismay. Automatically I'm annoyed because we'll have to hear him tell Andi how much he loves her after spending approximately 2 hours with her. Andi and Marcus bore us by walking around the city "acting like a real couple" and the only thing I'm focused on is Andi's cape (super cute) and the fact that I miss Europe. At dinner, Marcus opens up about his family, namely his mother's abuse. Gosh, that won't be weird when Andi meets her next week. Cut to him explaining, quite profoundly, that "the feelings I feel for you I've never felt" (huh?) and Andi gushes, for the umpteenth time this season that "THIS IS A MAN." What? Why? I don't hate Marcus, he's just a little too nice for me, and that's why I know he won't win.

Andi doesn't like when the convo is not focused on her.

Back at the hotel, Josh gets the next one-on-one from a little girl named Dylan. (Seriously, stop with the ponytails.) Nick is shocked and pissed and plots his revenge to get time with Andi. Next thing we know, Nick is pulling a Tierra and knocking on Andi's door. (I can't even comment on the stupidity of Nick pretending Andi is his wife and the hotel staff just giving away her room number as this murderous looking American is surrounded by television cameras.)

Andi's into the sneaking out thing because IT'S WEEK 7, you guys. Time to break the rules, whatever the F that means. Andi goes fishing for compliments about Nick's "insane" feelings. Nick is insane, alright, but not in a good way. It was kinda hot watching them making out though...(who's the creep now?)

Josh and Andi's date takes them to Ghent and Andi is sadz because Josh hasn't told her he's obsessed with her like the other guys. Probably because you've known each other for a month. She spends most of her day/night trying to make him say he loves her. After what feels like hours, Andi proves that she's good a laywer by finally forcing Josh to tell her he's falling in love with her. Once again, I like Andi's sweater too much to care. Let it be known, Josh is still my favorite. But seriously with the making out in the smoky doorway? To cap off the night, they go to the 100th private concert by a band no one has heard of. Also, the goose parade was weird.

Next up: group date. I'm already sick of the group date, because all we've heard Nick say tonight is how much group dates suck. Say group date again. They head to the country and I need to ride in one of those rail cars. They're at a monastery with a strict rule of NO KISSING. So guys, who's gonna break the rules and BE A MAN and kiss Andi? That guy gets the rose.

I don't dislike Chris as much as I did the first few weeks. After all, he is from Iowa, so I can't hate him too much. After reenacting a scene from Ghost, I hate him again, and a little more when he calls himself "Nervous Nancy."

Watching Nick and Andi pains me. So of course, Nick gets the rose and thereby, a hometown date, and the other dudes are PISSED and spend the night talking shit about him. Fast forward past the fireworks with Andi and we get to the real fireworks with the guys talking shit. I love that they are sitting around talking shit and drinking red wine like a bunch of girls. This time it's the guys saying that Nick isn't here for the right reasons. I like Chris a little more each time he talks shit to Nick. At this point, I'm ready for someone to strangle Nick with his scarf. Speaking of his scarf, does anyone know if Andi is still alive? From the way Nick says "I'm going to end up with Andy" with a crazy Lifetime serial killer look in his eye...someone should check. (I'm telling you...he's like Tierra with that 'sparkle.')

Rose ceremony time and once again, I'm right. I don't know what it says about me that I can predict the final four when there's 25 guys there. I also noticed for the first time that Josh is shorter than Nick...how is that possible? Minus one for Josh.

Poor Brian and Dylan. Also going out on a limb to say Chris will be the next Bachelor.

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