Tuesday, December 16, 2014

39 Weeks || Bumpdate

There is a very real chance that this is my last bumpdate! Completely crazy to think about and actually makes me kind of sad...but not that sad. Hopefully you don't find me back here next week eating my words.
We are just 3 days away from our due date today. I'm officially working from home until the action starts, which is so nice of my employer. I work about 45 minutes away from downtown Chicago, where I'm delivering, so we thought it was best I stay close to the homefront these last few days.

Today is also the day the psychic told me Baby Farrell would arrive. I suppose there is still time for that to happen, but I'm not holding my breath. I can tell you that I have made progress since my appointment last week. Considering my OB told me my cervix was "Fort Knox," any progress makes me completely excited and seriously improves my state of mind.

For some reason, I just kind of have a "feeling" that labor is in my near future and I am so excited and terrified. In any case...here's where we are at these final days!

Baby's size: A WATERMELON! you know the line from Dirty Dancing?  can relate! My OB says baby is a little more than 7lbs. It's tough to tell how long he is, but the apps tell me he's probably 20-21 inches. Eek!

Baby's progress: He is basically good to go! At this point, he is just comfy inside my belly, continuing to gain a little weight and getting ready to make his big entrance. They say he's stretching his limbs and his little brain continues to develop.

Weight gain: It has really been fluctuating these past few weeks. I'm eating less because there is not much room anymore, but I'm also retaining more fluid. I think a safe guesstimate would be a total 45 lb weight gain.

Sleep: Not great. I'm in a lot of pain these days, especially when I get up from being in the same position for a long time. I still get up frequently to go to the bathroom and lately I wake up at all hours of the morning and can't fall back asleep for hours.

Movement: He is still SUPER active in there, but quieting down a bit as he gets ready to arrive, which is normal! I can feel his little feet at the top of my belly and I like to give them a little tickle from time to time.

Best moment this week: Bryan and I had our last official "date night" over the weekend. On Saturday, I pampered myself by getting my hair done and then I got a 90-minute massage. It was FANTASTIC! 

Bryan met me afterwards and we went to the Chriskindl Market downtown, where we lasted a very short while due to the MASS of people there. 

And then we just went to a nice dinner and it was so lovely! We ate leisurely and talked about how excited we are for this next chapter. It's just really nice to soak up these last moments where it's just us two. Oh yeah, and my husband is crazy and booked a trip to South America for next September, so that's fun! 

Looking forward to: Obviously, meeting the baby and introducing him to the world! Also, Christmas is coming up, and we've got family coming to visit us for the next few weeks. I'm also looking forward to maternity leave! It will be so nice to have 12 weeks with the babe getting to know each other.

Symptoms: Still pain; there's a lot more pressure in my lower abdomen and pelvis. My hips hurt. I'm having lots of contractions that I can tell aren't BH because they hurt, but they are really far apart and inconsistent. There are some other unpleasantries by way of symptoms but I'll spare you the details.

Workouts: Walking pretty much covers it. Does it count when I walk around Target for 2 hours?

What I miss: Sleep, feeling my fingers, not being in pain, eating without feeling nauseous...

Things that suck: This waiting game is seriously the pits. Am I labor, aren't I in labor? Was that a contraction, wasn't it? All of these unknowns are driving me insane! Oh yeah, and my OB had a baby over the weekend, which means I don't know who is delivering my own child! 

Things that don't suck: Knowing I'll meet our little dude in a few days! I'll also say, I've been pleasantly surprised by my size these last few days. I imagined myself LARGE with the most swollen feet and ankles and face you could imagine. Needless to say, I don't think I look good, but I think I could look worse. and that doesn't suck!

Keep you posted....

Thursday, December 11, 2014

The End of Pregnancy

Anyone who says that the first trimester of nausea and extreme exhaustion is worse than the last few weeks of pregnancy is lying. 

The end of pregnancy is, in a word, brutal. 

Mostly because I find myself in a weird place, physically, mentally and emotionally.

On the one hand, I am miserable. I am uncomfortable, huge, swollen and in pain most days. I am tired at all times. I can't really eat any more. I live in the bathroom. The prospect of being pregnant another two full weeks (the earliest my OB will induce) is terrifying and makes me want to cry. At the same, being pregnant another week or so doesn't seem like it will kill me.

So there's the feeling of just wanting the baby to exit my body for the sake of my own sanity and comfort.

On the other hand, I have no idea what's waiting for me on the other side of this. And that is terrifying. Yes, we will have a beautiful, healthy baby boy (God willing), whom we are BEYOND excited to meet. I know that the moment I hold him in my arms all of these thoughts will seem like a distant memory. 

But until then, we are dealing with so many unknowns. When will it happen? Where will I be when it happens? How much will it hurt? Will my epidural work? How long will labor last? Will I need a C-section? Will he really be healthy? What will his temperament be? Will he latch? Will he sleep? What will happen to our marriage? Will we be good parents? WHAT ARE WE DOING? 

Life as we know it is about to change. These last days are a mix of wanting to do nothing but sleep and relax due to the discomforts and all that I referenced above. But also wanting to take advantage of the few childless days we have left by continuing to see friends, going on date nights, seeing movies -- all of the things that in a matter of days, we aren't going to be able to do anymore on a whim. I've had many friends tell me, "You want nothing more than for them to come out, but once they are here, you wish they'd go back in for a bit longer!"

So, I say the last days of pregnancy are brutal because emotionally, physically and mentally, I am all over the place. My husband is cool as a cucumber, like he always is. I appreciate that he always remains calm and has the attitude of "We'll figure out like we do everything else." It provides me with some stability when I feel like a crazy person for feeling all of the things. He also makes a good point that people way less capable than us have raised children for years, and sadly, he's right. So there's that for comfort. :)

I know I'm not the first person to feel/experience any of this, and I know I won't be the last. I know that everything I feel right now is normal. I also know there is a village of people waiting to love our baby and support us however we need through this most amazing journey we're about to take. 

So as I enter my 39th week of pregnancy, I'm trying to stay positive. I'm doing my best to take advantage of "me time" while I can. As much as is physically possible in these semi-dark days, I am trying to relish the last days of pregnancy. I'm eating cookies and pizza because what's 1-2 more pounds at this point? I'm staying in bed on Sundays, only getting up to eat and pee, because there will never be another time in my life for me to do so without interruption.

I'm thankful for the pregnancy I've had, and that these last few weeks have been the worst of it. I already know I will miss the baby hiccups and the kicks and living with life inside me. I will miss this baby bump. I will want to do this again someday.

I know it will all be worth it.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

To The: Pregnant Edition

It's been SO LONG since I've done a "To The" post, I almost forgot that this was even a "thing" around here for a while.

I hate to have everything I blog lately be baby-/pregnancy-related, but can you blame me? This is the life I've been living for the past 38 weeks and 5 days. Not that I'm counting. Maybe I'm turning into a mommy blogger...

In that time, I have read, heard and seen things that you would not believe. Some of them you would, because if you've been pregnant, it's probably happened to you, or you know someone it happened to. Or maybe you are one of the offenders. Oh and #sorryimnotsorry for the swearing.

To the bitches who only gain 20 lbs or less, don't swell or have trouble sleeping, pain, carpal tunnel, backaches, headaches, etc. Fuck you. I say that with love and jealousy in my heart.

To the carpal tunnel and arthritis that have taken over my hands, fingers and wrists: you are the devil. May someone somewhere find a cure for you in the near future.

To the people who said WOW! back when September when I told them I'm not due until December. Is that, "wow! You look great!" ? Or "wow, you're really big and still have a while to go!" ? I'll go with the latter since people are assholes.

To the people who tell me, "You look great!" without even really looking at me, but just know that's what you say to a very pregnant woman: I love you.

To my previously big, but now porn-star-sized boobs: Before we were pregnant, you were DD's. Your current size is one I won't reveal. I shudder to think what you will look like when "engorged" after my milk comes in. If you don't do what you're supposed to and feed the kid,  my threats of downsizing you will come true sooner than we all thought.

To my legs that look like they belong to a 500 lb woman. I have approximately 10 pairs of cute boots made for the fall/winter,  yet I can only zip ONE of you around my swollen legs. This makes it difficult to fulfill my fantasies of being an adorable preggo who lives in leggings, cardigans, scarves and boots.

To my squished internal organs: You're making it difficult to eat, breathe and poop on a regular basis. Yet somehow I need to do all of these things to survive and keep the baby inside me kicking. Let's look alive, and try to get back to our normal positions soon, yes?

To the people who judge me for drinking caffeine or a glass of wine, and for eating soft cheeses or deli meat that I haven't heated up: Ask me if I give a shit what you think. 

To the stranger who not once, but twice, but BOTH hands on my belly and exclaimed, "I love babies!" I made it so far into my pregnancy without this happening and now you've ruined my perfect record. Take those grabby hands and go touch someone else's stomach.

To the people who ask me when I'm due and I respond with, "I'm not pregnant." I'm sorry. I'm just so sick of all the questions, it's become more fun to fuck with you. But since you asked, I'm due next week.

To my cervix, which my doctor told me today was like "Fort Knox." Please, I beg of you. Respond to the primrose oil, raspberry leaf tea, walking, massages, pedicures and sex and OPEN THE FUCK UP. This kid needs a way out, like yesterday.
To the women at work, who every morning exclaim, "You're still here!" in shock and awe. Yep. Still here. Still pregnant. Still feeling miserable. Thanks for reminding me.

To the kid who will come out as a result of all this: I have faith you'll be worth it.