"Eeeesss OK." - Bachelor Recap

Oh man. Where to begin? I have so much to say and yet don't really want to say anything at all because...what is there to say? Other than the obvious, which is that this is THE WORST BACHELOR IN BACHELOR HISTORY and that is the only time that phrase will ever be true.

I mean, I think it's very telling that this creep has had not one but TWO women take themselves out of the running because they basically couldn't stand the guy.

Let's start with the hometowns. I think it's important that you know three things after Nikki's hometown date: the first is that Oklahoma Joe's is legit. The second is that I have ridden the same bull that they showed on the date. The third is that every time Nikki wondered aloud why she didn't tell JP that she loves him, I wanted to scream BECAUSE YOU DON'T!

Loved Andi's family. Hy kept it real and called Wapalo out for being a douche and her sister's name was Rachel. Wins all around.

Clare's family is cray cray. Where did she get her looks? Why have they not shared the fact that Clare comes from a family that speaks Spanish? Which one was Clare's mom?

Ultimately, he sent Renee home, which upset America by the looks of Twitter. She's one of those people though that we don't have to worry about, though. She's gorgeous, she's sweet - she even played Mom to Juan Pablo when they were saying goodbye. For those who want her to be the next Bachelorette, I'm with you, but something tells me that ABC won't do two single parents back to back.

Tonight's episode was all about the fantasy suites and a whole lotta drama. Clare gets the first overnight date and of course, spends her time talking about how she doesn't know if she should spend the night with JP. Why do girls on this show try to front that they aren't going to spend the night in the fantasy suite? Of course you are. Especially when you've had already had sex.

Ugh, Clare. Why does she pause for 5 seconds in between each word of  sentence? Why the duck face after every word? The scene where Clare told Wapalo that she "Loved falling in love"? I had a VISCERAL reaction. I literally scared my dog because I shuddered so much. Every second, from the baby voice to the long dramatic pauses to Juan Pablo rubbing her ear and her nose and her cheek...I couldn't. I didn't.

Andi's over night comes next and before dinner I think we witnessed  the first conversation of the season. Until Wapalo says "Andi could be the one because I like the way she is." Well since you put it that way...

JP is the worst. The literal worst. All he ever says is that he "likes that a lot." Or that someone "ees so cute." Also how many times do you think Juan Pablo has said pointed out,"You're thinking a lot today"? Anyway. Andi wakes up from this nightmare of a season and basically says what everyone has been thinking all season: Juan Pablo is a narcissistic asshole. We'll come back to that.

Nikki's date. What the fuck is she wearing, first of all? You know what, skip that, and let's just go to the part where Juan Pablo says that Nikki could be his wife because she's "honest, she's very pretty, sexy and cares about people and I like that a lot." Should make for a great long-term relationship.

Let's get to the good stuff. So many thoughts on the Andi situation and my fingers can't type quickly enough. It can be summed up as this: I LOVE ANDI.

Andi goes to talk to Juan Pablo and he basically he tells her that it's totally fine that she doesn't like him, doesn't think he cares about her and wants to go home. Which pisses her off. Juan Pablo blames his poor English again as he tells Andi that "eees OK" doesn't really mean "eees OK," but really... "eees OK." What?

To which she said the greatest line of this season which was, "I want to die if I hear 'eees OK,' again." You and the rest of America.

Juan Pablo is a straight up asshole. The fact that in his interview he said that he would have told her to go home anyway for causing an argument -- after she just tried to have a normal conversation -- is a HUGE red flag. Basically, he doesn't want any conversation, which is why he just kisses people and doesn't let them talk. Too much opportunity for things NOT TO BE OKAY.

"He doesn't get it," she says as she drives away. Have I mentioned I love Andi?

Not gonna lie--I saw a spoiler on social media and I know who wins and what happens, so I won't spoil it for the rest of you. I will just say that I have been right about more than one thing in my predictions. And that I can't wait for the Women Tell All. Also...Andi for Bachelorette?

Mainly because this, which is actually from Sharleen.

Esss oh-kay @AndiDorfman @kellytravisty pic.twitter.com/gJj40IkepX
— Sharleen Joynt (@sharleenjoynt) February 26, 2014

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