Connor's Birth Story

On October 5, 2017 at 11:51 a.m., our son, Connor Leo, was born. Arriving 4 weeks early, he weighed 7lbs 4oz and was 20-inches long.

Connor Leo Farrell

I shared my journey of placenta previa during my pregnancy with Connor. At the time that was published, I was 34 weeks pregnant, and waiting on pins and needles to get to our scheduled c-section on October 5 with no issues.

celebrating my 34th birthday in the hospital!

On September 27, the day before my 34th birthday and the day before we reached 35 weeks, I had some more minor bleeding. So minor in fact, I was annoyed to even call the doctor because I knew what they would tell me, and what would follow. The bleeding was some light spotting and it was over before I even got on the phone with the on-call doctor. But, since we don't take any chances with bleeding and previa, Bryan and I grabbed our hospital bags and headed to Labor and Delivery.

Our last picture as a family of three!

I spent a few hours being monitored, where they determined no active bleeding, but I was having quite a few contractions. I stayed under observation to make sure I wasn't in labor, but once those were under control, we were moved back to antepartum, where we spent the night. The next day, they informed us that they wanted to keep me there until delivery. They said the chances of another bleed were good, and that I was not likely to be as lucky if it happened.

While not ideal, I did have some peace of mind knowing that if anything happened during the week, I was where I needed to be. After all, that was my big fear with going home after the second bleed. And, a week wasn't bad, in the grand scheme of things. I spent the week working from the hospital and trying to take advantage of the situation by resting, watching too much TV, reading and getting sleep when I could. Each day that passed brought us closer and closer to meeting our baby boy, and I could.not.wait.

As the week came to a close, I began to get more and more anxious about my c-section, and all that would come during and after. I worried about the risks and the recovery, and about Connor's health. I worried about Liam. Fear of the unknown, of course. I asked a million questions and tried to embrace the knowledge that a c-section is a common surgery. Millions of women have this routine procedure, and all necessary teams would be in place should anything happen.

Night before birth! 35 weeks, 6 days pregnant

I woke up early on Thursday, October 5 during rounds (which start around 6am). My nurses told me that our 9:30 start time was likely going to be delayed. (It was a full moon that night, and labor and delivery was a busy place!) I got some labs drawn, had my IVs put in, and was going to shower when the team came up and said they were ready for us after all. Eek!

They brought us down to continue prepping for surgery. They got me and the baby hooked up to our monitors. They struggled to get a second IV line in, which they wanted to have in case of emergency. (I learned in this process I'm a "hard stick." They always had so much trouble getting a freaking vein.) After using an ultrasound to find a vein, they finally got one in. My mom arrived, and I started to cry.

While I was waiting back there, several other mamas were coming back after their births, which made me really panicky and anxious. A woman arrived who clearly had a c-section and all I could hear (and see) was her moaning and groaning in so much pain. The whole "hurry up and wait" thing was awful. They had me do a series of other things - drink some drink that was supposed to settle stomach acid, continued taking my vitals, etc.

It seemed surreal that we would be meeting our baby in a matter of moments, but finally, they brought me back to the operating room to get things moving. I said goodbye to my mom, and while Bryan suited up in his surgical gown and scrubs, I walked back to the OR. My nurse from labor and delivery was with me as I sat on the edge of this SUPER skinny metal bed. (Can we take a minute to praise the L&D nurses of the world? They are seriously amazing.) The anesthesiologist started drawing on my back with pen, and my nurse had me lean forward and hug a pillow. She was pregnant, and I remember talking to her about her pregnancy and feeling comfort that she knew what I was feeling. I took deep breaths and focused on staying as still as possible while the anesthesiologist first numbed the area, then did the spinal block and epidural.

I sat up for a minute so as to have the drugs go to my legs and not my chest, and as I feel my legs get cold and tingly, I watched as my nurse moved my legs and put them on the table. Not being able to feel your legs and watching others move them around is pretty bizarre. I lay down and immediately felt like my right arm where they had placed the second IV was going to explode. I said something to the anesthesiologist, and could tell this was not what I was supposed to feel.

I heard mentions of "infiltration" which basically means the needle slipped out of the vein. There is a flurry of activity as they continue to prep me, and look for another place to put an IV. After what felt like forever, one of the anesthesiologists told me to clench my neck, which I did. He explained that they couldn't find anywhere to put another IV, so they were going to skip it, but if things started going bad during surgery, they'd put a line in my neck. Gulp.


They hung the drape and finalized the surgical prep work. The anesthesiologist did a bunch of tests to see if I was numb. I was, but again, the feeling of not being able to feel your body is so, so weird, and I hated it. The longer I laid there, the more numb I got, and the more numb I got, the more I tried to move. I got really antsy and just wanted to move, but couldn't. Bryan came in and tried to talk to me to get me to focus on something OTHER than the fact that I couldn't feel my body, but it was to no avail. The anesthesiologist asked if I wanted some more to drugs to calm me down, but added that I wouldn't remember anything if he did. I said no, and focused on Bryan and breathing. Tears rolling down my cheeks, they began.

seeing my boy for the first time!

I can't accurately describe what it feels like to be awake while people cut into your body. The tugging and pulling was so uncomfortable. Not painful, just so, so uncomfortable. And I just kept thinking about them putting different organs on the table...outside of my body...ugh. I just kept looking at Bryan and while I don't remember what we talked about, it was enough to keep me focused for the few minutes it took for them to get Connor out. 

The next thing I knew, the doctors and nurses where laughing because as they pulled him out, Connor started peeing everywhere to announce his arrival. As Bryan looked over the drape, I saw his tears, too. The nurses took Connor to clean him off and the neonatologist started checking him. I told Bryan to go to him and kept asking if he was OK. When I heard his beautiful cry, the relief I felt is indescribable. He was perfect. They swaddled him up and gave him to Bryan, who brought me our beautiful boy.

Gigi visiting Connor in the NICU

I'll never be able to describe what it felt like to see him. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and touched his soft little face. Next thing I know, he's being taken away to get checked out in the NICU, and it's just me and Bryan again.

The doctors kept working on me. More tugging and pulling. At this point, I began to get really agitated. I tuned into what the doctors were saying, because now that Connor was out safely, I knew there was another piece to this puzzle, which was my bleeding and possible hysterectomy. I heard the doctors talking about my placenta being "sticky" and I heard the words "has to come out." I started shaking and I kept trying to move my body, getting so frustrated that I couldn't. I got so worked up about I was hearing from the doctors and the anesthesiologist gave me that medicine he mentioned earlier (he didn't ask me this time).

Hearing test

A lot of what happened next is a blur. When I "came to" (I never went to sleep, this is just the next thing I remember), I was still in the OR, and Bryan was there. Everyone was laughing because I was talking about the weather? I asked where everyone was, as I was aware the amount of people in the room was significantly less than earlier. (I had no idea how much time had passed.) The nurses assured me we were done and I was getting ready to be wheeled back to recovery. While my memory is foggy here, I do remember the nurses complimenting my eyelashes and I told them all about Lash Boost!

As I laid in recovery, I was extremely tired, and out of it, and in a lot of pain. They gave me as much pain medicine as they could at the time, and monitored my hemoglobin (to see how much blood I lost) and pain very closely. Again, this part is so groggy, but I do remember Bryan and my mom both looking very worried. I began to stabilize a little bit. Everyone kept assuring me that Connor was doing great, and I could see him again as soon as I went back up to my room. Bryan and my mom went to see Connor in the NICU. It's a very weird feeling to have just had a baby and not know where he is.

I was pretty out of it for the rest of the day. We didn't know it at the time, but I lost a significant amount of blood during surgery. I was super lethargic and in a good amount of pain, despite keeping on up pain meds. Some time later I went back up to my room and I meet Bryan there with my mom. He shows me pictures of Connor, who passed all of his tests with flying colors.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, they brought my boy to me. 

We are so thankful he didn't have to spend any time in the NICU. Despite being 4 weeks early, he was a big, healthy boy. His lungs worked great, his hearing was perfect. He was a little yellow, but his levels weren't to the point of jaundice, so he got to stay with us. 

Liam came later that day to meet his brother. He was super excited at first, and pretty quickly lost interest, haha. I don't think he really got what was happening, but I knew he was happy to see that there was finally a baby, and that mommy wasn't "sick" anymore.

I wasn't able to get out of bed that first day, but the next morning, around 6am, my nurse came to test my hemoglobin, and then insisted that I get up and move. I'd heard this advice from other c-section mamas, so although I was dreading it, I did as I was told.

Ho-ly Shit. I have never felt more pain in my life than getting up out of that hospital bed. I cried and swore like I've never cried and swore before. But they were right - each time I had to get up and pee, it still hurt like a mother, but I felt better every time. Later that morning, we got my hemoglobin labs back and the results weren't good. Apparently a "normal" blood level for someone like me is around 12 - mine were 5.5. Yikes. 

Since I had lost more blood than they thought during my surgery, I had to get two bags of blood via blood transfusion that day. The OB came in to talk to me about how things went the day before. I knew the gist, but now was time for details.

The doctor said that as it turns out, I did have Placenta Accreta (when the placenta is attached too deeply to the uterine wall). They suspected it was a possibility, but said we just wouldn't know until they got inside. Once they did, they found my placenta was pretty stuck in my uterus—again, I heard the "sticky" reference. 

The doctor explained that after some hard work, they removed a good portion of the placenta from the uterus. Enough where they didn't have to do a hysterectomy (hooray!). They said that might be why I was in so much pain...there was more tugging, pulling and cutting than in a normal c-section. All things considered, the docs were very pleased with how things turned out, and so were we.

After about 4 days in the hospital, we were able to go home with our new baby and begin life as a family of four. 

 

We've spent the past two months settling into a new normal, and I've been enjoying my time home with Connor so much. Liam LOVES his brother, but has had his fair share of difficulty in adjusting to things. While I know he won't remember all of this in the future, it's hard because he remembers it NOW. He still clearly worries every time I go to the doctor, or if I'm not feeling well. He asks almost every night if I'll be there in the morning when he wakes up. It breaks me every time.

And it's funny...like all hard moments in life, while all of this was going on, it was positively the worst thing to be going through. But now that we're through it, and I'm still here with two healthy boys...all of this turmoil feels like a distant memory. I remain thankful that while I experienced a horrible pregnancy, Connor was none the wiser. I stare at him every day in wonder, so thankful for this little human that we love so very much.

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It's Complicated: Birth Story Part 2

After Liam was sent off to the NICU and I had been all stitched up, Bryan and I began calling family and close friends to let them know our good news. At this point, it was about 8:00 a.m. and we were exhausted, given that we'd been up for basically 24 hrs.

One note here: One thing I was looking forward to the most was telling my Dad that we named his first Grandson after him (Albert is my dad and Grandpa's name). He was very happy and humbled at the honor and now calls Liam "LiBert." Oh, Dad.

 Dad and Liam meet!

Anyway, in any birth, part of the recovery is pressing on the stomach to make sure the uterus is contracting down (shrinking). By the way, having someone press REALLY hard on your tender belly that was just housing a kid is SUPER PLEASANT. (note sarcasm). Since I spiked a fever/infection during delivery, I was also getting monitored for that.

My L&D nurse pressed on my belly and, as is normal, blood came out. 15 minutes later, she does it again. More blood, but this time she seemed concerned. The blood, while normal, was both clotted and there was a lot of it. She told us that when women spike a fever/infection during delivery, they are more prone to hemorrhage. She said we weren't there yet.

We went through this process several times, and each time, more clotted blood exited my body en masse. The nurse started weighing each output and finally, called in a doctor.

I'm pretty out of it at this point, drifting in and out of sleep. I know something is wrong, but it doesn't seem too serious yet.

The doctor explains that the bottom of my uterus is not contracting, which was causing me to clot and bleed in excess. He gave me some medication to help and we kept monitoring. A short while later, there did not seem to be any signs of slowing down. The next step was to insert a device that was designed to balloon while inside and press against the bottom of my uterus and stop the bleeding that way. 

As this is happening, there are about 20 people in the room. Doctors are explaining what's happening and prepping us for the next steps should this effort not work. By now, it's a few hours later (rough guess..I'm so exhausted and out of it, I have no idea). 

I remember being SO effing thirsty. I hadn't had any water since 830am and I couldn't have any now with my current situation, in case they had to operate. 

Other moments of clarity: after they gave me the medicine to try and stop the bleeding, I was laying there, and still receiving my epidural for pain through all this. It's me, Bryan and my nurse. All of the sudden, I hear the loudest fart imaginable. I look around, shocked. "Was that ME???" I asked, horrified. Everyone laughed and the nurse said, "Oh yeah, we forgot to tell you - that medicine causes uncontrollable diahrea." Umm, seems like a detail most people would want to know.

Thankfully, I had not shat myself (yet) and so I held on to a small shred of dignity that I still had.

Let me be clear: my husband and I are best friends. We share everything with each other. But we do not fart in front of each other, pee with the door open or talk about our bowel movements. We just don't. 

So by now, not only has Bryan seen my 10 CM vagine, he has seen copious amounts of blood exit from said vagine and now, he is hearing me fart like a man. All of this is what it is and I know he didn't care - but I'd like him to want to sleep with me again someday.

Anyway, when they realized the device was not working as planned, things became much more serious. We were told I needed to have a procedure done where they would go in through my femoral artery and look for what was causing the bleeding. Then they would embolize it. If that didn't work, they would have to "remove my uterus." 

As in, a hysterectomy. As in, Liam would be our only child.  

This is when the severity of my situation hit us both. Keep in mind, I'm still pretty loopy. I remember looking at Bryan, tearful and panicked, and he was so comforting. And ultimately, if the choice was my life or no more biological children - the choice was clear. 

Everything after that happened fast. I had already lost a lot of blood and had a transfusion. When all was said and done, I lost 3L of blood and got two blood transfusions. 

I remember a lot of people coming in to talk to me and reassure me. Bryan walked me to the room where they were operating. It was a tearful, terrible moment saying goodbye. Bryan told me later the doctors pulled him aside and said that if worse came to worse and I couldn't consent to have the hysterectomy, he would have to do it. He couldn't bear the thought of having to tell me that my uterus was gone and that he'd been the one to tell them they could take it.

I'd like to take this time to talk about what a rockstar my husband is and was. I mean, imagine your son, born hours ago, taken to the NICU and then your wife being threatened with either loss of uterus or life. I know he felt torn between me and Liam, and I kept encouraging him to go to Liam, and take pictures, get updates and give him love. I couldn't have made it through the emotional roller coaster without him.

Dad keeping tabs on Liam

I was "awake" during the procedure. I remember hearing them talk. I remember shaking uncontrollably, dry heaving intermittently and not being able to move.

Anyway, I'll save the gory details but several hours later and the procedure, while a close call, was successful, and I was recovering. I have never been more thirsty in my life. Keep in mind, I last had water at 830am and it was now 830pm. I was so desperate I was sucking water off sponges. 

Bryan's parents came that day, which was a comfort to us both. I stayed on the labor and delivery floor for the night and Bryan and I finally got some rest. It wasn't until the following evening when I got to go to the NICU to see Liam 

for the first time since labor. 

Our first meeting :)

It was so emotional. I tried not to cry but it was impossible. Seeing him, knowing he was OK and then seeing how he recognized me was amazing and overwhelming and a relief. 

The next day, I was finally able to move into post partum. I hated not having Liam in the room with us, but we spent every day, morning to 11pm, in the NICU with the baby. I was pumping and breastfeeding, so I made sure to be there every 3 hours. I was discharged on Sunday and Bryan and I stayed in a hotel near the hospital for two nights until my mom came into town. 

excuse my engorged breasts...

Liam was kept in the NICU while they checked him out. He was threatened with brain damage, meningitis, and other stuff. Him being in the NICU was not in our "plan" but there was not much we could do but keep positive and love on that peanut as much as we could. He ended up being so healthy, and we could take him home on Christmas Day, after he finished 7 days of antibiotics. Merry Christmas to us!

 

Our labor/delivery and everything that followed was the best and worst day of my life. More than anything, we are just thankful for our healthy, beautiful boy. If it would have turned out that he was the only one we'd get, I would be happy with it, because he is so amazing.

Being Liam's mama the past 7 weeks has been awesome and I can't wait to tell you more about it!

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Liam's Birth Story

Oh hey there! Sorry it's been a while but I've been busy--you know having and trying to successfully parent a baby!

I've got much to update you on from the past few weeks as "mom," but first I want to start with my beautiful baby boy's birth story while it is still fresh enough in my mind for me to remember all of the details. (PS - I've been writing this post for a month. Literally.)

Liam Albert Farrell joined the world on December 18, 2014 at 7:25 AM. He was 7 lbs. 1 oz. and 21 inches of perfect. To say we love him is the world's greatest understatement.

It all started on Monday, December 16. To give you all of the gory details, I started losing my mucous plug. I also started having contractions at this point, but they were way too far apart to be able to do anything. The next day, I went to my weekly check up to find out what progress, if any I had made. I assumed some, considering the whole mucous plug thing, but then again, at my last appointment I was told my cervix was "Fort Knox." Thankfully, I was 2 cm dilated and 100% effaced! My raspberry leaf tea and primrose oil worked! The doctor guess that it would be a couple of days before the baby arrived.

All day on Tuesday, my contractions continued to be about an hour apart. But man they were fierce! (Little did I know, I had yet to find out what real pain felt like.) On Wednesday I went on walks, drank some tea, ate some spicy Cheetos…my contractions got slightly closer but still were not consistent, and I had already propositioned my husband to have sex with me that night. (Sorry mom and dad.) In other words, baby needed to get out.

Around 9:45pm, I went to the bathroom. I sat there for what seemed like forever, and fluid would not stop coming out of me. I thought my water may have broken, but I couldn't be sure. The doctor told me that it probably wouldn't be a "gush" like you see in the movies because the baby's head was already pressed against my cervix. I grabbed a cup and tried to catch some fluid so I could test the smell and color. I tried to make Bryan smell, too, but he refused. LOL.

As we debated whether or not to go to the hospital (we didn't want to be turned away), my contractions got stronger and closer together. From about 13 minutes apart to 8 minutes apart in about an hour and a half. Bryan finally suggested we go to the hospital when I began sobbing because of the pain.

We got to the hospital and I was quickly admitted to triage, where there was no question I was in active labor. I was not comfortable lying down and I kept insisting I had to go to the bathroom. The nurses told me I didn't have to go. It was just the pressure of the baby. They tried to get me to lie down and relax, which was impossible with my pain. They did a check and I was 3 cm, 100% effaced. I'm not sure why they kept me so long down there – no one did – but after two hours they finally brought me up to labor and delivery to get my epidural.

Upon seeing how much pain I was in, the nurses suggested we skip all the paperwork and get right to the epidural. I couldn't say yes more quickly. However, it took another 45 minutes for them to access freaking a vein. By that point, my pain was off the charts. I gone from crying to swearing hitting things to now full-blown screaming at the top of my lungs, and convulsing in pain. Pretty much the only part of my labor that was like a movie. Poor Bryan didn't know what to do except tell me to breathe. In response, I'm pretty sure I screamed profanities and told him I couldn't fucking breathe because it hurt too bad. There's nothing anyone can say that will prepare you for how bad labor contractions hurt. It's just one of those things you have to go through to know. Now that I'm on the other side, I will say that I would do it again…But honestly, I don't know how women do it without an epidural and I give them SERIOUS props.

I've never seen a more confused person than my husband when he returned to the room after I got my epidural. The possessed person that I was only 20 minutes prior was suddenly calm and rational. I even had a smile on my face. Drugs are truly amazing.

After I got my epidural, Bryan and I laid down and trie to get some sleep. At this point, it was a little after 4 in the morning, and we had been at the hospital for several hours with no sleep. A short while later, the nurse came in to check on me. When I got my epidural, I had already progressed to a six. And when she checked me this time, I was already had a 10! She couldn't stop marveling at how fast I progressed on my own. She told me that the doctor would be in soon and that I should give myself a little bit more of my epidural because he'll probably want me to labor down for a while.  So I hit that little button and went back to sleep.

Next thing I knew, the doctor was in the room and asking me if I was ready to push. I was so unprepared - I expected to be in pain or to at least feel contractions and not to be so calm and rational. Like I said - drugs are amazing. In any case, we started to push. Because I had just given myself a little more of the epidural, it was very difficult for me to feel the contractions or how hard I was pushing. That's why they like you to be numb but not completely. After about an hour and half of pushing, the doctor told us that the baby was becoming distressed. His heart rate was low and he was in meconium (he pooped in the womb), which can be dangerous for baby. The doctor said if I couldn't push him out in the next few pushes, he would suggest using forceps to help get him out quickly. Bryan and I agreed that we would do whatever got him out safely.

A few more pushes and I knew I needed help, so forceps it was. About 6 pushes later, Liam entered the world!

                   

 

Because of the delivery and meconium, they took him away right away to get the meconium out of his mouth, etc., and check all other vitals. Bryan and I got to hold him for a couple of minutes before they took him down to the NICU to monitor him. I also spiked a fever during deliver, which meant that he also had a fever and infection. 

                            

At this point, all was good. We weren't concerned about the NICU because it seemed "old hat" to everyone in the room. And at this point, I was fine, too. We were happy and exhausted and spent the next couple of hours calling family and letting them know the good news.

Part 2 of the labor story coming soon: The complications (don't worry, there's a happy ending.)

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