Going Back to Work: 7 Tips to Survive

One of my readers posted the following on my Facebook page:

How did you prepare? What helped? How long did it take to get a routine down when you were back at work? I'm already thinking about stocking meals, getting all my clothes ready, etc. for my return in 4 weeks but I'm interested in your experience. 

Happy to oblige!

Going back to work posed huge anxieties for me.There were so many unknowns - since I planned to continue to breastfeed, how would going back to work affect that? What would our new routine be? How would I adjust to spending all my time with the baby, and then spending only a few hours each day?

This was the morning I went back to work.

At the same time, I felt excited to go back so that I could back into a "routine" and also so I could talk to adults again. But more than excited, I felt so sad, which is natural, if you feel that way, too. I felt guilty for leaving Liam when he was only 12 weeks old. I've never wanted to be a SAHM - I enjoy work - but going back at 12 weeks really did seem too early.

In any case, I didn't have a choice in the matter and on March 23, I returned to work after having been out since December 16.

Given that it's now June, I'm happy to report - I survived the first day back, and have survived every day since! It's not easy but it gets easier. Some days I miss him more than others - mainly on Mondays!

Here are some tips that I felt helped EVERYONE in our family adjust to this new way of life.

1. Spend time away from the baby before the big day. 

If you're like me, you spent most of your waking moments (which at the time felt like 22 out of 24 hours a day) with your little one, and rarely left him/her with anyone else. I strongly suggest taking some time in the weeks leading up to your return and getting out of the house alone. If you can leave your babe with someone other than your husband or a family member, even better.

This builds up your trust that someone other than you can take care of your baby. And it boosts confidence that everyone will survive when you leave the baby.

For me, I started small - having drinks with girlfriends or going for a manicure while Bryan was home. Worked up to having grandparents babysit while visiting. And finally, we did a trial run with the nanny. Which brings me to my next tip:

2. Do a trial run. 

The week before we (me and the other mom in our nanny share) went back to work, we arranged for our nanny to come watch the boys for a few days. The first time was a half day, the second time was a full day. We had her arrive each day at the time she would arrive when we went to work.

On those days, I treated them as though I was going back to work. I'd set my alarm, shower/get ready, feed Liam, get him dressed and then "drop him off" in the living room, and off I went. Of course, both days I cried leaving him, but being gone made me so excited to see him again in a few hours. And honestly, the time passed quickly.

The trial made leaving on the actual day SO much easier. It also helped with getting me used to pumping during the day, as well as knowing how much time to budget in mornings. (Side note: Not once in the three months I've been back to work has our morning routine ever gone the way it did during our trial run. So there's that. :) ) And it also helped to know how much food Liam was eating while I was gone, so I could make sure to leave him with enough milk.

Also, ask your care provider to send pics throughout the day.

It makes my day and puts me at ease!

3. Trust your care provider

We chose to go the nanny share route, which I love so much. Liam gets one-on-one time, like he would with me, but also the social interaction of having another little one his same age. We interviewed probably 7 nannies. There were only a few who I felt good about leaving the boys with. Thankfully, one of the accepted our offer and we love her!

I can't stress enough how much easier going back to was knowing that Liam is in good hands. He loves his nanny, and the little boy who comes over. It is a good situation for everyone, and I can rest easy knowing he is having a blast at "school" while we are gone every day.

4. Introduce a bottle

This one's for my breastfeeding mamas. I didn't have an issue with this, as Liam started with a bottle before the breast in the NICU. BUT I can't tell you how often I hear moms who are going back to work and wait until the week before to give baby a bottle. Lo and behold, the little one won't take it! They like the boobies.

Just my two cents is that introducing a bottle early, say for maybe one feeding a way will at least give you time to find bottles/nipples that your baby likes, and help them get over the whole nipple confusion thing. Liam has never seemed to have a preference, which is nice, but many babies are not that way. We use Medela/Avent bottles and nipples, and both work great. He also likes the disposable nipples that come with Similac formula.

Not to mention that bottle feeding helps you get used to pumping, and allows Daddy to get in on feeding time. CLUTCH in the early weeks, especially when Mama needs to sleep!

5. Prep as much as possible

This tip is more for after you go back to work, as I'm still learning this three months in. The more I can get done in the evenings, the more likely I am to be on time to work the next day. 

Things I would typically do in the morning (pre-baby) include showering, picking out my clothes, making my lunch, packing my bags, etc. I've found since being back to work that I am so tired and also, taking care of a baby, that I don't have much time to do these things in the morning. 

I try my best now to pack my lunch, shower, pick out my clothes for the next day, pack my computer bag/pumping parts, and have it all together the night before. I even like to pick out what I'll put Liam in for clothes. This way, in the morning, I can sleep a little later, feed/dress Liam, hand him to the nanny, go get dressed and put on my makeup, grab all my things that are already together, and get out the door.

Going on walks is more fun than prepping 

for the next day at work.

I will admit that I often get lazy in the evenings and don't do any of this, thus resulting in being late to work every morning (Thank Goodness for flexible jobs and good bosses), but my intentions are always pure! I can't imagine life if I had to get Liam out the door in the mornings. I only have to take him to the living room!

And I know I could just have the nanny feed/dress him, but Bryan and I look forward to that hour or so in the morning with Liam. We usually get him out of bed, bring him back into bed with us and I'll nurse him, then we'll all play together before we all heave ourselves out of bed to get ready for the day. Those moments are more important to me than getting to work on time.

6. Be flexible

I think the most important thing to remember when going back to work is that things happen that you can't plan for. Babies get sick or go through sleep regressions and growth spurts, and maybe you get way less sleep than you have been. Maybe your baby sleeps in (aka your alarm clock) and therefore, you're running late to work. Maybe you have what you *think* your routine will be in the morning, and come to find that it doesn't work for you at all.

You've just gotta tweak and adjust until you settle into something that feels good for your family. My husband and I have our routine worked out in the morning, and also after work, and so far it's working. We had one for when baby wasn't sleeping and adjusted when baby started sleeping, etc. It's all a balancing act and seems overwhelming, but you'll figure it out - I promise.

7. On Breastfeeding and Working

One other thing that I remember being hard to adjust was nursing vs pumping. I went from exclusively nursing (save for a couple of pump sessions each day to build up a stash) to basically exclusively pumping. When I first went back to work, I had the nanny try to not feed Liam a bottle right before I got home from work, so that I could nurse him when I got home. I'd also nurse him before bed. While that worked for awhile, we eventually stopped because it wasn't working with Liam's eating schedule.

Now, I nurse Liam for night feedings when he needs them and then in the mornings when he wakes up. Otherwise, he gets bottles while I'm gone, and then I feed him a bottle before bed. I chose to start doing this during his sleep regression so that we could know he was getting enough to eat and that hunger was not overly contributing to his night wakings. I pump about 4-5 times/day (3 at work plus once or twice in the evenings). 

Also with this, if you pump while on maternity leave, you can start to stash some milk to have for when you go back. Your body might need time to adjust to making enough for baby while you are gone, and if you're ever having off days with supply, you can turn to the freezer!

Remember...

Going back to work is not easy, but we've all gotta do what we've gotta do. And the one thing I like to keep in mind is something a co-worker told me when I returned. 

She said that although it's so hard leaving them when they are so young, they honestly don't remember if you were there or not. She said now that her kids are more grown (5 and older), NOW is the time she is pulling back from work and wanting to stay home more because that is the time when your kids remember if you came to soccer game or show-and-tell at school.

No matter how hard your first day back is, it will get easier. I promise promise. YOU GOT THIS!

Any other working mamas have tips for going back to work?

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The Truth About Maternity Leave

I had an extremely romanticized version of what my maternity leave would entail when I was pregnant.

In my mind, it was daily walks with my babe, frequent play dates (ie, mamas drank wine while babies slept), daily trips to Target to get out of the house, watching new TV series, crossing things off my neverending to-do list, reading a lot, freelancing, and of course, blogging every day so as not to forget one precious moment of my sweet baby's first months. I imagined being in a blissful state of baby euphoria for 12 wonderful weeks.

Ha. HA. Ha. HA. Ha.

To those who think being on maternity leave means laying around all day watching TV in your pajamas, sleeping when baby sleeps, lunching with your working friends, crossing things off a long to-do list, and basically hanging out for 12 weeks (if you're lucky) -- you're only partly right.

Do I spend most days in my pajamas? You bet. But mostly because I can't fit into much else, and because I spend a large portion of my days with one or both boobs out, with either a baby or a pump attached me. So yes, lots of yoga pants/pajamas/nursing tanks, and lots of television. There is little else you can do other than watch TV or read when you are feeding the baby, no matter if you do it from your breast or a bottle. Oh, and I get peed, pooped and puked on pretty much at least once every day, so - why dirty my cute clothes and create more laundry that I don't have time to do?

 

Of course there are days where we snuggle, all day long, in my bed, with My DVR or Bravo shows on marathon. I will admit that and I am not sorry for it. After all, these are the days to cherish.

Sleep when baby sleeps? SURE THING. Great idea in theory, but if any new mom has actually been able to do this, I would love to know how. For me, I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've taken a nap during the day when Liam is sleeping. Why? So many reasons.

For one, my baby in particular didn't do a lot of daytime - or nighttime sleeping at first. He is super alert and spent a lot of time in the beginning wide awake during the day, so therefore, I COULDN'T sleep. 

For another, I've found it impossible to just close my eyes and sleep when Liam is sleeping because I can't shut off my brain - my mind is racing with the millions of things I need to do, people I need to call back, laundry I need to do, showers that need to be taken. Not to mention that I've got one ear open for any squeak or squeal that needs my attention, and I have to make sure he's breathing every five minutes. Maybe I need to pump. Maybe I've now gotten out of bed, had my shower and/or coffee, and don't feel tired anymore, so I want to actually get stuff done, like laundry, the dishes or tidying up the toys. Maybe I want to take the sleeping baby out for a trip to the grocery store before he wakes up and goes berserk. Or maybe I've got Liam sleeping, in my arms and just want to stare at his beautiful face and kiss his soft little head and smell his new baby smell until he wakes up and starts screaming at me again, and I forget how angelic and so very precious he is.

In the early days of maternity leave/Liam's life, days were unpredictable. Some days I literally sat around topless because he was eating so frequently, there was no point in getting dressed again. His sleeping during the day was all over the place, as he was still adjusting to figuring out his days and nights. He ate ALL the time. To be honest, those first few weeks in general are a complete blur, as they were spent in a haze of complete and utter exhaustion and frequent hysteria. I was lonely when Bryan went back to work and all the visitors went home. I was overwhelmed with responsibility. I cried a lot. I still do. I was scared something would happen on my watch and I wouldn't know what to do. I was exhausted and bored, and I felt guilty for thinking these things and not "soaking up all of these special moments."

Now that Liam is a little older, I have  better idea of what a "typical" day looks like. He wakes up for the day around 7am. I nurse him and then we both go back to sleep for another 1-2 hours (if I'm lucky). This is the only time I sleep when he sleeps; I'm exhausted from the previous night. We wake up, eat again, then have some play time/tummy time/awake time before he's ready for a mid-morning nap. Rinse, recycle, repeat. If I plan to do errands or anything, I usually try to time it so that I feed him and load him up in the car seat so he'll take a nice snooze while I'm running around. he loves the car, so it's nice to have him in there when he's calm and not screaming his head off (happens from time to time). Same for if we want to get outside or walk anywhere - I'll feed him, play with him for awhile and load him in the stroller or into the Baby K'Tan and off we go. He falls asleep nearly instantly with any type of motion. 

 

We figure things out as we go - for example, we know that for Liam, after he's been awake for 2 hours, he is tired and ready for a snooze, otherwise he gets super cranky. Obviously, I'm more comfortable taking him out on my own than I was only a few weeks ago. I don't feel like I'm going to die of fear when I drive a car with him in it. I know that it's OK if I take shower and he wakes up while I'm in there, and God forbid...CRIES! Even better, now I know he likes to hang in the Rock 'N Play while I'm in the shower, so long as I bring it in the bathroom with me. I know it's OK to set him down for a minute and walk away to take a breath if he's being hysterical. Some days, I feel like I know what I'm doing. And then the next day comes and something changes and I feel like we're back to the beginning.

We work on trying to create good sleep habits during the day. But we also break all the "sleeping rules". Whatever works.

We're getting closer to finding out when bedtime is. Most days it's a crap shoot, and that's OK - he's only 10 weeks old! We've found that whenever he does go "to bed," he gives us a nice 5-hour stretch of sleep to start the night. Obviously, the later this happens the better, because it coincides with when I sleep. But some times, he'll go to bed at 6pm, which doesn't help anyone out if he just wakes up at 11pm.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being home with my boy. He is growing and changing every single day, and now that he's 2 months old (what!), he is really starting to get a personality. He smiles and "talks" -- it is so nice to see those things after weeks of feeling like you give and give and give to this little being who does nothing but take. It's gratification of sorts and makes all the hard moments and days worth it. It is so rewarding to know that everything he knows about life and the world, he learns from me and Bryan, and watching him discover and experience things for the first time is indescribable.

 

But it was hard being here alone every day at first. Some days, it still is. 

My advice to other new moms on maternity leave, those just beginning maternity leave, or about to take maternity leave? Celebrate the wins where you get them. Did you make it outside the front door today? Amazing! Did you get the baby to sleep in his crib, even if for 15 minutes? Congrats! Did you make your coffee before noon, finish it by 2pm and only have to reheat it 3 times? Hallelujah!

Today, I completed 22 minutes of a 30 minute workout during the 90 minutes my son was sleeping. The rest was walking back-and-forth to his room to put his pacifier back in or rocking him back to sleep. But 22 minutes is better than zero.

Set goals for yourself every day. Start small - that might mean taking a shower every morning or calling a friend you haven't talked to in awhile. Work your way up to getting out of the house, for the first time, and then as often as you can and feel comfortable with. Everything you do for the first time will seem terrifying and daunting, because it is, but just rip off the band-aid and try it - you can do it, I promise.

You will have days where you can't wait to go back to work. Where you're counting the minutes until your husband gets home so you can have 5 minutes to yourself. Where you wish your baby would stop yelling at you when you set him down for just one second. You will feel guilty for thinking such things, for wishing this time away. Don't - its normal.

But do keep perspective. My new mantra is "This too shall pass." That goes for the good and bad days. Not every day will be bliss with your baby. Take each day as it comes. Try to take advantage of this time off. It's cliche, but time really does go so fast. Face each day with a clean slate, and fresh eyes, because for every bad day, there are a million amazing moments you'll want to bottle up forever.

PS - Ain't no shame in the Mommy/Baby selfie game!

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