Bachelor Recap: Come at Me, Bro!

This week's episode was EVERYTHING. Let's not waste time:

We picked up where we left off last week, with Ben confronting Olivia about what the other girls are saying. Of course, she plays the victim and explains to Ben that she doesn't get along with the other girls because she doesn't like to paint nails and do hair - she loves to read and "talk smart things," even though she's dumb AF. So basically, Ben, Olivia is nothing like the shallow women you really like!

"Come at me, Bro," is Olivia's response to the girls hating on her. Must be one of the "smart things"she likes to talk, in addition to, "Everyone can suck it."

I've never been so confused during a date as I was during Caila's. Ben tells her she's too smiley and basically needs to reveal her deep dark secrets. In response, this is what I gathered:

Caila: I'm not ready to open up
-I feel like I love you
-I might break your heart
-Our love is real
-I'm confusing
Ben: I don't know what any of that means, but I like it.

Keep in mind, this is the girl who thought she fell in love with a guy on an airplane, and then broke up with her boyfriend because she saw Ben on TV. I feel like she is MORE than confused. All I really took away from her date is that Caila has watched The Bachelor enough times to know what she's supposed to say, so she put all of those sentiments in one giant verbal vomit hurl. And in the words of my girlfriend, Mandy, Ben "feels...feels...like you are a freak in the sheets and will keep you around."

Meanwhile, back at the house, the group date card arrives and Leah starts to question the world in which she's been living the past few weeks. Again, I have to wonder what these girls think they're signing up for before they come on the show. The group date attendees means that Olivia and Twin are going on the two-on-one.

Olivia isn't phased because she's going to feel like Twin's mom on the date...like she's babysitting? Even though 1) Mom's don't "babysit" (another dig at Moms!) and 2) SHE AND TWIN ARE THE SAME AGE.

Becca's face is everything.

On the group date, the ladies and Ben go on a boat where they encounter the "unpredictability of life" in the form of pigs swimming in the ocean. What in the serious Fuck. At least they clarified that they fed the pigs chicken hot dogs so we didn't think they were cannibal pigs. Also, this:

Something has transpired that we clearly missed, because suddenly the girls are pissed about Ben spending all day with Lauren B., even though we've only seen them together for 15 seconds. Things get a little awkward, Ben tries to have JoJo be his therapist, and then he realizes he needs to right his wrongs at the cocktail party.

Leah decides to try and save herself by playing a villain in talking shit about Lauren B., and then lying about it. If she wasn't going home before, she's definitely going home now. You're looking a little desperate, girl. It's not a good look.

To make matters worse, Leah "decides" to head on over to Ben's place (where he's casually watching TV and having a glass of red) to continue shit talking. AKA, the producers tell her she has nothing to lose (except her shot at a relationship with Ben). So let me get this straight: She hasn't gotten any time with Ben, and now that she has it, she wants to spend it talking about Lauren B. And she's confused that he sent her home?

Also...we never find out where the hell she got that black eye!?

(Anyone else feel like all this talk about how he shouldn't end up with Lauren B. is foreshadowing that she is exactly who he will end up with? Food for thought!)

As if we haven't had enough drama for the episode, now we get the 2-on-1. Twin hopes Olivia shows her true colors. Olivia appears to be so confident, she didn't bother getting ready for the date, while Twin actually looks gorgeous. (I've NEVER thought that about her.) Olivia goes on another diatribe about herself telling Ben, "Deep intellectual things are my jam," and when asked for an example, exclaims, "I love you."

{crickets}

Twin is gives a weird speech about growth and seeking validation that sounds more suited for asking for a promotion, so I don't have a good feeling.

OH MY GOD, WAIT!

Ben takes the Rose AND Olivia, and SAYS GOODBYE. She is so confident that she's getting the rose but SHE GONE! She's left standing on an island all alone, her cankles stuck in the sand. My guess is she'll probably stay there until they come back to film Bachelor in Paradise, because you KNOW she's going to be there.

No cocktail party tonight - I think Ben's had enough of the drama-rama this week. Lauren H. is clearly going home.

Other thoughts:

• JoJo seems to be a bit of a mother hen, no? She also wears a lot of see-through clothes.
• Olivia looks like a different person in every single scene. 
• The Twin is SO much prettier with no/less makeup. SO MUCH BETTER. 
• Does anyone know if Olivia made it off the island?

Top 4 remains:

1. Lauren B
2. Caila
3. JoJo (FAVORITE!)
4. Amanda

Best episode so far, guys! What did you think?

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